Six-Something.org

1984 – Part II

Posted by Sjixxxy on October 25, 2001  |  1 Comment

Well, I finally got off my ass and encoded some more of those commercials from 1984 that all of you seem to love. This Time I did the dealings of the public service announcement. Go get ‘em.

1984 Commercials

Home of NASCAR

Posted by Sjixxxy on October 25, 2001  |  No Comments

An article from the Associated Press about NASCAR starts with this line;

“TALLADEGA, Ala. — One by one, drivers poured out of NASCAR’s trailer after giving the officials an earful over their dislike for restrictor-plate racing. “

So NASCAR is ran out of a trailer? Who would have thought!!

Reality TV

Posted by Sjixxxy on October 19, 2001  |  5 Comments

I’m sitting in my office at the 6So financial division a few days ago when this guy walk in who I have never seen this guy before in my life. He is rather big, maybe 6′ 4″ 230 pounds. His left eye looked lazy, he had a bad comb over, and he smelled heavily of vinegar. Before I had a chance to grab my spiked club(+2) to scare him away, he looks around and says very loudly “Well  sodomize me on ice-skates! Are we the only people around here who doesn’t have a reality
based TV show? Jesus, I feel like I’m stuck in 1999. Next thing I know Jesse Camp will have a career again!” At this time he looks at me strait in the eye and commands me to have a reality based TV show on his desk by the end of the week. Then he takes what is left of the courtesy mints on my desk, and exits the room. 

Now, as I sit there wondering just what in the hell just happened, the seed the mystery man planted in my head begins to sprout. After a day of vigorous brainstorming (and several packs of kickers) I had my reality based TV show.

Operation Omni

Operation Omni is an adventure of five everyday adult human beings who are brought together and placed in a Dodge Omni somewhere in south Nevada. Unlike other reality based shows, the contestants are not voted out of the car. Operation Omni is a true survivor series in that the only way a contestant is removed from the contest is by leaving the Omni under their own volition by making contact with the ground outside the car. The rules are simple, but the contestants must deal with a
few key circumstances.

• A two hundred dollar per person budget. 
• The Omni is outfitted with a glove box full of Alabama eight tracks. And a barely adequate player.
• The Omni’s heater is stuck in the high setting.

Dealing with these circumstances will be great entertainment as the contestants are not allowed to touch ground outside of the Omni for any reason, including having to relieve themselves.

In the end, the final contestant who hasn’t exhausted his budget, and has not been murdered by another contestant, will be named victorious, and will receive the Omni as a grand prize.

Name: Stu Montgomery Age: 20 From: Allegan, MI Occupation: The employee at Blockbuster who knows everything about every movie staring Bill Pullman.	Name: Arturo Anspach Age: 26 From: Bensalem, PA Occupation: Book salesman by day. The guy always spotted at the corner of 3rd and Sweeny who gives orders to the street light by night.
Name: Faye Tibbetts Age: 27 From: Caddo Mills, TX Occupation: Dental Hygienist that everyone thinks is some kind of criminal.	Name: Donald Grizzle Age: 25 From: Elyria, OH Occupation: Tuxedo Salesman and Party clown
Name: Bill Pullman Age: 47 From: Hornell, NY Occupation: Actor

 The season will run for 14 episodes and features some of the following highlight events:

• Donald and Stu argue for five consecutive hours over who likes the movie ‘Santa with Muscles‘ more.  
• While being on a caffeine binge in the middle of a fifteen hours driving shift, Faye blacks out. When she awakens she has developed a formula that could allow humans to travel faster then light in interstellar travel.
• Arturo eats Bill Pullman’s foot while he sleeps.
• Bill bitch slaps Stu.
• The fun that follows Stu’s case of explosive diarrhea.
• Faye’s repeated attempts to show what has been modified by her “operation.”

Racism

Posted by Sjixxxy on October 18, 2001  |  No Comments

I think that right about now, the most beneficial thing for our global society would be contact with an alien race. People look at others and start to hate things about that person that is different then themselves. Trivial things like the shade of skin, or place of birth. I think that if we knew that there was a race of beings out there with a six fingered hand for a head and the face of a scary baby, that people would realize that the little things that they find to hate about people now are trivial.

Once we make contact with this race, racism as we know it, (which is wrong since the only race is the human race. If blacks and whites where different, they wouldn’t be able to procreate.) would be destroyed. Of course, then real racism would begin. Which could be worse as a bunch of boys from Kentucky could piss of the aliens to the point that one morning we wake to melody of destruction as the aliens rain down upon us with a massive assault of mind sucking proton beams.

Plural Problems

Posted by Sjixxxy on October 7, 2001  |  2 Comments

Here is a quick little thought to ponder on.

Why is it that when we reference something that has a quantity of zero, we state it in the plural form? For example, we would say “There are no beavers in that river.” Does the S on beavers not imply more then one beaver? It should, but there are no beavers. Yet we still talk about them as if there are beavers galore. Just a thought.

Hey, Nice Sack!

Posted by Sjixxxy on October 4, 2001  |  No Comments

Rabbits give us their feet for luck. 
Pigs (magically) give us their bodies for three types of meat.
Horses give us themselves for Big Macs, and probably chicken McNuggets.
Elephants give us their legs for wastebaskets.
Minks give us their fur for coats.

Of all the things that we take from animals in exchange for their lives, I think none are getting more screwed over then the kangaroo. From them we take their scrotums to make sacks. (no pun intended) Some animals, like bovines, give their skin so that that sexy pop star call look good with it stretched onto her thighs. Others, such as the white tailed buck, give us their antlers for the great task of making guys in really big trucks feel like ‘men.’ These are sacrifices of great importance and honor in our society, but the poor Kangaroo has to sacrifice it’s junk for the sake of somebody wanting attention from having a unique coin purse. I pity these kangaroos. Odds are their “donation to human society” doesn’t have to be a fatal operation. So they have to live with the fact that their twig no longer has the berries, somebody in that large city that they can see from the top of the hill does have their berries. The worst part being that that person
is probably using it as a gag for a really crappy pickup line like “Hey Baby, want to see my scrotum?”

Now, if you want one, visit The Scrotum Gift Shop.

New Architecture

Posted by Sjixxxy on October 2, 2001  |  No Comments

I spent the last day working on rebuilding this site in php using a MySql database to back it. I just turned the php version active, and so far everything is running great from what I tested. Updateing the site will be extremly easier for me, meaning I can spend more time working on articles and not being put back by the amounts of time that it used to take to update all of the old html files. Things should get funner around here now.