Six-Something.org

Cure All Medicine

Posted by Sjixxxy on January 6, 2002

Flashback to Thanksgiving 2001. Somebody at out annual family get together brings along the game Outburst, by Parker Brothers. Outburst is a game where a topic is given, along with ten terms that are related to it. The goal is for your team to get the most items off the list by bursting out answers that fit the subject. We quickly determined that this game sucks because our copy was from the eighties, so it was outdated. That, and that many of the categories and their answers are too difficult for us. When you are at a place where the highlight of the year for most of the people is the several gutted white tail deer carcasses hanging from the pole that is a mere fifty feet away, you can’t expect anybody to be able to shout out the names of ten french theater actors from before 1985. Any ways, after declaring the game a bomb, I start going though the question cards to see what kind of cock-eyed questions where being asked back in the eighties. Soon I hit a card that caught my interest. The category was “Cures for Insomnia.” Since I often am affected by insomnia I gave the card a looking hopes of finding an answer, or at the very least, a third party who says it is ok to take sixty milliliters of NyQuil every night of the year. I believe it was cure number six that first made me blink in astonishment. The cure for insomnia was none other then “go to sleep.” Yes, that is pretty much the same thing as going to a doctor about help with impotence, and he tells you to just get a hard-on. It just don’t work that way. Going to sleep is not a solution, it is a desired end result. I set that aside and kept reading the list, only to quickly be forced to blink twice in astonishment. The prescribed cure for Insomnia, according to Parker Brothers, was none other then death.

Death. The same cure prescribed to horses who break a leg. The same cure prescribed to infidels by the clergy in thirteenth century Europe. Death, now being prescribed to us who are having a little trouble getting some shut eye. After giving the subject a little bit of thought, it dawned on me what a powerful drug death is. Why should we spend billions in research for cures to diseases? The good people at Parker Brothers have shown through Outburst that death is a viable cure for insomnia. So why can we not apply this to other diseases? Just think about it, Herpes, Cancer, Dengue Fever, Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, Leprosy, Toxoplasmosis, Boy Bands, Shingles, Hidradentis Suppurativa, Jock Itch, Gout, Meningitis, Diverticulitis, those diseases, plus many many more all share a common cure. Death. Parker Brothers, you are true heroes. For that I salute you.