Six-Something.org

Its a Barbie World

Posted by Sjixxxy on February 25, 2002  |  No Comments

Doom-pa-dee-do!

Posted by Sjixxxy on February 18, 2002  |  1 Comment

Don’t believe what the government tells you. Oompa Loompas are not fictional characters in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. They are very much real, and I’ll prove it. On the left we have an old black and white photo of an Oompah Loompa who managed to escape the Wonka chocolate death camp, and managed to reach full adulthood. Since the photo was shot on black and white film, the Oompa Loompa looks like another regular human with bad hair, but with the magic of computers, we where able to process the images though an algorithm that restores the original colors to the image. The results are proof of the existence of Oompa Loompas.

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If you don’t believe this as substantial proof, then you can just burn in Hades.

Britney Spears: Saleswoman

Posted by Sjixxxy on February 12, 2002  |  1 Comment

All right kiddies. Here is a quick lesson on how not to sell your goods on eBay. I was digging though eBay not to long ago looking for this old coin from 1935 Germany since my have one just like it in our house. I ended up finding it on eBay, but the photos supplied (right) were so damn awful that I entered into a blood lusting rage of confusion.

Now it isn’t uncommon to see a novice photographer take a picture of the item where there is a big old glare across its plastic case which makes the product hard to see, but how in the hell can somebody take a photo that looks like the camera just put down three forty ounce bottles of Camo High Gravity Lager, and yet, still use them with hopes to sell the product. One would think that the first rule of displaying a picture of the product that one is trying to sell, would be to make the product not look like beer can that Marlon Brando has been sitting on for an hour causing it to melt under the pressure and take on the texture of his ass.

With photos this craptacular, a little help is in order to make this product sell (btw: it failed to sell on eBay), which is why I turned the photos over to the Six-Something department of sales and marketing in the west wing of our complex to see what they could do to help the coin sell. Putting the top five staff member on the case they went to work and decided on an überleet marketing strategy to sell the coin. Here is what they returned to my office later that day.

When TV didn’t suck. Pt 3

Posted by Sjixxxy on February 8, 2002  |  2 Comments

Here it is, Part III of my series on commercials from 1984. This time around the focus is on McDonalds. A McDonalds which had cool toys in the happy meals, hamburger patties that wern’t made from gopher and weighed more then an ounce, and hamburger packaging that killed the environment. It was a great ime for fast food.

The Pimp of Zelda

Posted by Sjixxxy on February 7, 2002  |  No Comments

Virtual Reality

Posted by Sjixxxy on February 6, 2002  |  No Comments

I remember the first time I heard about virtual reality. I was in my sixth or seventh grade art class, and a few of the other students had seen a bit on it the night before on a news show like Dateline, or Nightline, or Newsline or some show like that, I forget which one. The important part was that there was a brave new world that existed inside of computers that humans could enter into, and anything could happen. Although at the time, I imagined this visualization of this world to be on par with the stunning detail of The Dire Straits video for ‘Money for nothing,‘ it still captivated my developing mind. The ability to walk on the moon, gun down an important political figure, get in a feces flinging fight with an ape or visit a disease free brothel in Latvia could all be a possible without leaving the comforts of home. It was almost too much excitement to bear.

Jump ahead a decade or so and we reach the world of now, but what do we see? 3D Virtual Colonoscopy! In all of my wildest virtual-fantasies, I never would have imagined that some day I could take a virtual tour up a human colon. Wow! Why have virtual worlds where we can drive fast cars without speed limits, or commit virtual suicide where we never die by high diving it off of a sixty story building when we can have a virtual flight up the virtual human bunghole where we can see pieces of virtual corn stuck to the virtual lining of the virtual colon.

The future has arrived, and damn am I happy.