Six-Something.org

Sim Survivor

Posted by Sjixxxy on December 16, 2004

I have to give a handshake to the people at Maxis for making nice software for us all to play god. Course, I’m talking about the Sims games. Last night I decided to make life hell for 8 random sims in Sims 2 by holding a Sim Survivor Death match. Rules are simple.

• Eight Sims
• No doors to the outside world
• Minimal Provisions/comforts
• Last Sim alive wins

Lets meet the cast. Left to Right

• Arturo: Crazy old scottish looking ass clown.
• Samson: Token black guy.
• Gretchen: Old gray haired hag in the running suit.
• Donnie: Villian from Fifth Element.
• Jeb: Redneck.
• Faye: Pink Top, Chubby ass.
• Yelena: Kneeling sweater meat.
• Haike: Swiss Miss.

We’ve met the cast, now lets see the photographs. Each image is 100% traditional film photography.

Soon as they moved in and were still happy, they had a big dance party. A very homo erotic dance party.
Take a final look outside Haike, it will be your last if you don’t win.
Arturo does the pee-pee dance. . .
. . . followed by the Ashlee Simpson hoedown! Actually, Arturo just pissed himself.
The lack of hygiene made the whole place smell like Calcutta.
Yup. Calcutta!
Yelena joins the “I pissed myself” club.
Things are starting to get tense.

For a while the contestants just danced, chatted, pissed their pants, and smelled real bad. Then some unknown sim decided to use the oven and forgot about the food. The first round of “Voting out” was about to begin.

Donnie shrieks like a little pussy because of the fire.
Then he proceeds to gets himself cornered behind the flames. . .
. . . and becomes the first Sim to be “Voted out”.
Faye, although being plenty far away from the fire, learns the hard way that she shouldn’t have cooked Chili Con Carne this night. . .
. . . and gets herself voted out.
As does Samson for getting to close to her.
Arturo on the other hand accepts the fact that he lived a sad sad life where he never got any poontang and takes his inevitable decent to hell like a man.
Jeb caught fire, but managed to survive. Afterwards he breaks down and cries like a newborn kitten wanting milk.

After the kitchen incident, only Haike, Yelena, Gretchen & Jeb remained. The fire must have left the place smoldering hot since they all proceeded to strip down to their undies. Except for Gretchen, who is a cold ugly witch and keeps herself in nice warm jammies. Since there was no more sources for fire left, death will have to be dealt by other means, the next day would be a trying one.

First though, it is nappy time.
Food is getting scarce, and soon I’ll vote the refrigerator out of the house. In the meantime Yelena gets crazy excited for scoring the last bag of Doritios.
Stupid redneck passes his germs into the milk before going to bed.
And regrets it the next morning when his contaminated cereal tastes like grandma’s drippy panties.
Gretchen copes by praying for this hell to end. . .
. . .while Yelena fights depression by showing us her jugs.
Haike though, doesn’t really know what the hell she is going to do. But that is what she gets for wearing big grandma panties.
Yelena realizes that if she is going to win, she needs to take matters into her own hands. . .
. . .and tries to kick the crap out of Gretchen. I’d pick on her too. She is old and probably would break and die the easiest. Though Yelena fails to do the redrum.
Haike didn’t have good coping strategy. Haike tips over dead and is voted out.
Yelena failed to murder Gretchen, but Samson makes a guest reappearance and takes his own shot at Yelena. . .
. . . and lays her out cold. Two Sims remain.
The shock of seeing the sun for a third day must have been too much for old Gretchen, for her heart gave out and she dropped over dead. Leaving the victory to Jeb. . .
. . .who crawled out of bed and promptly died.

I guess it just goes to show that when you play god, there are no winners, except comedy.