Sims Survivor

Posted on December 16, 2004 - Sports/Leisure - 5 Comments

I have to give a handshake to the people at Maxis for making nice software for us all to play God. Course, I’m talking about the Sims games. Last night I decided to make life hell for eight random sims in Sims 2 by holding a Sim Survivor Deathmatch. Rules are simple.

  • Eight Sims
  • No doors to the outside world
  • Minimal Provisions/comforts
  • Last Sim alive wins

Let’s meet the cast.

Sims Survivor: Cast Photo!

From Left To Right

  • Arturo: Crazy old scottish looking ass clown.
  • Samson: Token black guy.
  • Gretchen: Old gray haired hag in the running suit.
  • Donnie: Villian from Fifth Element.
  • Jeb: Redneck.
  • Faye: Pink Top, Chubby ass.
  • Yelena: Kneeling sweater meat.
  • Haike: Swiss Miss.

Dance Party
Soon as they moved in and were still happy. They had a big dance party. A very homo erotic dance party.

Keep Dreaming
Take a final look outside Haike, it will be your last if you don’t win.

The Pee Pee Dance
Arturo does the pee-pee dance. . .

Arturo Peed Himself
. . . followed by the Ashlee Simpson hoedown! Actually, Arturo just pissed himself.

The lack of hygiene made the whole place smell like Calcutta.

Yup. Calcutta!

She Just Peed
Yelena joins the “I pissed myself” club.

Things are starting to get tense.

For a while, the contestants just danced, chatted, pissed their pants, and smelled real bad. Then some unknown sim decided to use the oven and forgot about the food. The first round of “Voting out” was about to begin.

The First Fire
Donnie shrieks because of the fire.

The First Fire: Part 2
Then he proceeds to gets himself cornered behind the flames...

The First Fire: Part 3
...and becomes the first Sim to be “Voted out”.

Hot Ass
Faye, although being plenty far away from the fire, learns the hard way that she shouldn’t have cooked Chili Con Carne this night...

Goodbye Faye
...and gets herself voted out.

Goodbye Samson
As does Samson for getting too close to her.

Goodbye Arturo
Arturo, on the other hand, accepts the fact that he lived a sad sad life and takes his inevitable descent into hell like a man.

Jeb is Crying
Jeb caught fire but managed to survive. Afterwards, he breaks down and cries like a newborn kitten wanting milk.

After the kitchen incident, only Haike, Yelena, Gretchen & Jeb remained. The fire must have left the place smoldering hot since they all proceeded to strip down to their undies. Except for Gretchen, who is a cold ugly witch and keeps herself in nice warm jammies. Since there were no more sources for fire left, death will have to be dealt by other means. The next day would be a trying day.

Nap time!
Before the new day dawns, it is nappy time!

Food is getting scarce, and soon I’ll vote the refrigerator out of the house. In the meantime Yelena gets crazy excited for scoring the last bag of Chips.

Stupid redneck passes his germs into the milk before going to bed!

Bad Cereal
And regrets it the next morning when his contaminated cereal tastes like grandma’s drippy panties.

Gretchen copes by praying for this hell to end...

...while Yelena fights depression by showing us how to juggle

Haike doesn’t really know what the hell she is going to do to stay sane.

Yelena realizes that if she is going to win, she needs to take matters into her own hands...

Cat Fight!
...and tries to kick the crap out of Gretchen as she is the oldest and probably would break and die the easiest. In the end, Yelena fails to do the redrum.

Goodbye Haike
Haike’s lack of a skill to keep herself sane catches up with her and she tips over dead.

Yelena failed to murder Gretchen, but Samson makes a guest reappearance and takes his own shot at Yelena...

Goodbye Yelena
...and lays her out cold. Two Sims remain.

Goodbye Gretchen
The shock of seeing the sun for a third day must have been too much for old Gretchen, for her heart gave out and she dropped over dead. Leaving the victory to Jeb...

Goodbye Jeb
...who crawls out of bed to celebrate his victory and promptly falls dead.

I guess it just goes to show that when you play god, there are no winners, except comedy.

Tags: Video Games



moi - May 31, 2005, 10:57 AM

the sims rock

Reply to moi


OverCoat - May 15, 2005, 3:03 PM

that was great :D makes me wanna get out the Sims 2 again.

Reply to OverCoat


hi - February 15, 2005, 3:33 PM

I hate jeb and gretchen!!!1

Reply to hi


Kyle - January 27, 2005, 5:34 PM

Thats how survivor should be played on tv… nice game

Reply to Kyle


angela - January 24, 2005, 8:07 PM


Reply to angela

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