Sims Survivor

Posted on December 16, 2004 - Sports/Leisure - 5 Comments

I have to give a handshake to the people at Maxis for making nice software for us all to play God. Course, I’m talking about the Sims games. Last night I decided to make life hell for eight random sims in Sims 2 by holding a Sim Survivor Deathmatch. Rules are simple.

Eight Sims
No doors to the outside world
Minimal Provisions/comforts
Last Sim alive wins

Let’s meet the cast.

From Left To Right

Arturo: Crazy old scottish looking ass clown.
Samson: Token black guy.
Gretchen: Old gray haired hag in the running suit.
Donnie: Villian from Fifth Element.
Jeb: Redneck.
Faye: Pink Top, Chubby ass.
Yelena: Kneeling sweater meat.
Haike: Swiss Miss.

Dance Party — Soon as they moved in and were still happy. They had a big dance party. A very homo erotic dance party.

Keep Dreaming — Take a final look outside Haike, it will be your last if you don’t win.

The Pee Pee Dance — Arturo does the pee-pee dance. . .

Arturo Peed Himself — . . . followed by the Ashlee Simpson hoedown! Actually, Arturo just pissed himself.

Gag — The lack of hygiene made the whole place smell like Calcutta.

She Just Peed — Yelena joins the “I pissed myself” club.

Anger — Things are starting to get tense.

For a while, the contestants just danced, chatted, pissed their pants, and smelled real bad. Then some unknown sim decided to use the oven and forgot about the food. The first round of “Voting out” was about to begin.

The First Fire — Donnie shrieks because of the fire.

The First Fire: Part 2 — Then he proceeds to gets himself cornered behind the flames...

The First Fire: Part 3 — ...and becomes the first Sim to be “Voted out”.

Hot Ass — Faye, although being plenty far away from the fire, learns the hard way that she shouldn’t have cooked Chili Con Carne this night...

Goodbye Faye — ...and gets herself voted out.

Goodbye Samson — As does Samson for getting too close to her.

Goodbye Arturo — Arturo, on the other hand, accepts the fact that he lived a sad sad life and takes his inevitable descent into hell like a man.

Jeb is Crying — Jeb caught fire but managed to survive. Afterwards, he breaks down and cries like a newborn kitten wanting milk.

After the kitchen incident, only Haike, Yelena, Gretchen & Jeb remained. The fire must have left the place smoldering hot since they all proceeded to strip down to their undies. Except for Gretchen, who is a cold ugly witch and keeps herself in nice warm jammies. Since there were no more sources for fire left, death will have to be dealt by other means. The next day would be a trying day.