Collective Nouns: Glaciers

Posted on September 25, 2017 - Society/Culture - 0 Comments

A while back, the 6SO Department of Linguistics was asked a question about collective nouns that frankly stumped up.

What is the collective noun for glaciers?

A murder of crows. A pounce of kittens. A badonk of donkeys. These are some collective nouns that we all know. But a ___ of glaciers?

Not wanting to do any research on existing collective nouns for glaciers, we got to work on determining the best word utilize.

After weeks of research, we noticed a particular pattern about the characteristics of glaciers. They are assholes.

Asshole Glaciers

First, just look how big they can get. A glacier will take over half a damn continent! They will do this while showing no remorse whatsoever. Do you know how big of a dick something needs to be to make that much land space uninhabitable because it needs to park its fat ass?

Oh, and then when they get sick of crushing and reshaping your yard for a few thousand years, they just up and leave. Not even bothering to pick up their rocky trash, leaving it up to you to clean it from your yards and fields. Jerks.

And if that isn't enough, think about how careless they can be. Glaciers are all like "Wahhh. It's hot out." And then just go and shed some of their ice recklessly into the nice cool ocean. Sure, you may think a little ice in the ocean is no big deal. But try telling that to everyone who was onboard the RMS Titanic in April 1912.

Once we identified this pattern of glacier dickishness, the collective noun was evident. Glaciers are assholes. Thus the perfect proper collective noun for them can be only one thing.

An asshole of glaciers.

It is so obvious once you see it.