Those Old Britney Spears Countdown To Eighteen Counters
Remember Britney Spears? Or rather, remember the early part of Britney Spears career that happened before she was eighteen years of age?
Yes? Cool. Now, do you remember the shock and horror the old internet felt when someone put together a clock that counted down to the day that she would turn eighteen?
If you said yes again, prepare to feel old.
This little bit of internet history hopped back into my head the other day, and I was thinking about it. I wondered, "If that website still existed, and the timer kept counting down after it hit zero, what would the count be at today?"
I mean, this was only a half dozen years or so ago since she turned eighteen right? Truly it can't be much longer than that.
Well, being terrible at math, and good at software, I decided that six-something.org would resurrect a Britney Spears Time-To-Eighteen countdown clock that continues to count past the Britney Spears turning eighteen epoch. You know, for science.
Oh My God
As of writing this post, we are only a few months out until the timer hits negative eighteen years. Seems like only yesterday that it hit zero. I guess if you missed the recent solar eclipse, you can sit here and watch this timer hit the eighteen-year mark as a consolation prize.
I recall these age-timers being an early meme that popped up for many young girls in the entertainment industry at the time. Let's ignore the part where these were created from a blatant attempt at being edge-lordy humor using pedophilia as the main shock ingredient and think about these a bit deeper for a moment.
Just what are the expectations of men who are counting down the days until a teenage turn becomes legal?
- Expectation: "Aww yeah. Now I can totally bang her. Heh heh heh."
- Reality: No. No you won't. You are one of the six-hundred people who live in Oconomowoc Lake, Wisconsin. She doesn't know where that is and never will.
- Expectation: "Now she will start doing porn and I'll be able to see her naked! Heh heh heh."
- Reality: Yes, because the elusive step above being world-famous millionaire pop star is starring is straight to DVD porn flicks. No one ever gets that rare oppurtunity. And odds are, if they eventually do fall to doing porn, they'll be too old for you to care about them anymore.
- Expectation: "Now if someone takes an accidental photo up her skirt, or leaks some nude photos of them, I can look at them without it being child pornography! Heh heh heh."
- Reality: Oh go to hell. A hell where Jennifer Lawrence steps on your balls for all eternity.
Were you a guy who ever waited for a celebrity to turn eighteen so you could feel better about masturbating to their imagery? If so, chime in in the comments and tell us why!
Tags: Britney Spears